Dating Over Fifty

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There are a lot of misconceptions about men and women dating over 50 and what they do and don’t want in a relationship. Many assume they’re more committed, mature, and ready for a relationship, or that they’re possibly looking for someone younger. But are they really?

Dating over 50 can be and incredibly fun and rewarding experience. You know more about yourself, what you want, and other people you’re interested in. But it has its challenges too.

To help you get the most of your time, we talked to dating coaches who specialize in midlife relationships to learn the 11 myths (and the truths they’re hiding) about dating over 50.

Myth #1: Men and women who have children or are divorced have more baggage than those who never married.
The Truth: Everyone has baggage, it’s not exclusive to divorced people with children. “Even those who may have children without having been married or those who never married or had children may have elderly parents that need special care,” says Davida Rappaport, a psychic, personal growth counselor, and mature dating expert. “Most mature men and women do not abandon their responsibilities and obligations. This can impact any prospective dating situation, kids or no kids.”

Myth #2:Men and women aren’t interested in sex after age 50.
The Truth: Certain medical conditions that come with age—menopause or impotence for example—can make sex more difficult, but it doesn’t negate the fact that most people, regardless of age, still want and enjoy sex. “In a Gallup survey sponsored by the North American Menopause Society, 51 percent of postmenopausal women reported being happiest and most fulfilled between the ages of 50 and 65,” notes Bobbi Palmer, a dating and relationship coach for women over 40 and founder of Date Like a Grownup.

Myth #3: Men still love the chase.
The Truth: Even if they once were that guy, most grownup men no longer see the value in the challenge of chasing women. “First, the woman-to-man ratio is now in their favor and they don’t have to compete like they did in their 20s. Also, their hormones have mellowed and they have broadened their vision of themselves; reducing the need to rack up sexual conquests,” says Palmer. Not to mention, midlife men have more responsibilities and don’t have the time and energy to play cat and mouse.

Myth #4:Men and women in their 50s are looking for someone their own age.
The Truth: In some instances, yes. However, a large portion of these daters still behave like they’re in their 20s and 30s. “Some older men may be motivated by eye appeal and still want what they wanted back then, or still desire to have children with someone younger. While some women are looking for age-appropriate men, some still like younger men,” says Rappaport.

Myth #5:Daters over 50 are looking for a wealthy partner who can support them.
The Truth: Men and women over 50 are looking for someone who is at a similar financial level; someone who can carry his/her own weight. “They prefer someone who will desire a similar level of extravagance of lifestyle in terms of recreation and travel, and can eventually share equally in expenses,” says Heidi Krantz, a certified dating coach and founder of Reinvention Life Coaching.

Myth #6: Men and women become less selective as they get older.

The Truth: Men and women are just as picky as they were when they were younger. “They may want a partner that is still attractive with a nice body; they may request someone who looks their age and whose body is less than perfect. People still look for a type which can become harder and harder to find once someone reaches their late 50s and beyond,” says Rappaport.

Dating Over Fifty Advice

Myth #7:Men in midlife want younger women. Therefore, older women are at a disadvantage because there are more, younger options for older men.
The Truth: There are plenty of men who want to date someone their own age or older! “The reality is that in that deal-breaker list that most people who date have, age is a sliding number. What people really look for is attraction, and that can be a mystique, a spark, a great sense of humor or a compatibility based on feeling really good when you’re with that person,” says April Masini, a relationship and etiquette expert.

Myth #8: Men and women in midlife don’t need love. They’re fine on their own.
The Truth: The need to love and be loved remains strong throughout our lives.Palmer points to a study by AARP that showed 70% of 50-64 year-olds and 63% of people 65+ reported being currently in love. Of those over 65, 46% reported being passionately in love. “Don’t underestimate the intensity with which we can both give and receive love later in life,” says Palmer.

Myth#9:Daters over 50 are more mature and have learned how to treat prospective dates respectfully.
The Truth: Some people never grow up which can be why they’re still on the market. “Some older men will still treat women disrespectfully—they catfish, ghost, and all of the other things that their younger counterparts are doing. Self- esteem issues, in both men and women, can still exist and they may not be able to handle things in a mature, adult manner,” says Rappaport. The reality is, it doesn’t matter what someone’s age is, some people just do not want relationships and are only interested in hookups.

Myth #10:Men don’t desire women over 50.
The Truth: Men in midlife care a lot less about your appearance than they do about your enthusiasm, your interest, and your enjoyment. “While appearance is always important, many women feel paralyzed because they don’t have the body they did the last time they were single—sometimes decades ago. They may be surprised to find that they are desirable when they feel desirable,” says Masini.

Myth #11: People who are dating over 50 are dating to get married again.
The Truth: Not necessarily. Men and women dating over 50 have often experienced marriage previously; sometimes for many years. “After a divorce, they often spend time healing and become very accustomed to their own space, their independent lives, and their interactions with their adult children. Although they do desire companionship and even love, many are not interested in cohabitating or marrying,” says Krantz.

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The older you are, the harder dating typically seems. For those who are newly single, it might be hard getting back in the dating pool—the whole dating game has changed so much since the last time you were here. But when milestones like marriage and children are no longer the standard goal, dating and the act of meeting new people is a whole different ball game. And in a lot of ways, it can be a lot more fun.

There are many advantages to dating single women over 50. Even if nothing romantic springs from a date with a woman who’s older, she may still turn into a fun contact for social events and a good friend who you can have a great time with.

Here are some things to know about single women over 50:

They might not be looking for true love.
Women at this stage often have never married for certain reasons (like a busy career) or have separated from their partner due to death or divorce. It’s very possible they don’t want to start over again, nor do they want to be swept off their feet.

Dating Over Fifty

All they want is someone to see a movie with, and chat about it afterward with a glass of wine. Age doesn’t necessarily predict what each woman wants, but for many, the idea of starting over from scratch just seems tiresome and unnecessary. So if you’re looking for a social companion, a woman over 50 might be a great match.

They’re often very self-sufficient.
If they’ve been single for awhile, they’ll be the most independent women you’ll ever meet. They know how to work and manage a household all by themselves. And even better, they’re happy with the arrangement. Here’s why—if they’ve chosen to never get married or have kids, they’ve had to handle the, “Won’t you have any regrets?” question from people who straight up think being single in your 50s is an irresponsible choice. But, these women know what kind of lifestyle they prefer, and are out to prove that there’ll be no regrets.

They have a solid friend group.
A single woman in her 50s is only alone if she personally chooses to be. Typically, she’ll busy her schedule with activities she enjoys. And she’s likely made a few lifelong friends as well. She’s probably in a book club, or goes out to eat with buddies at least once a week to chat and spend time together. She’s not afraid of being social, and might introduce you to a few good people if you get to know her.

They have realistic views on marriage.
Nobody goes into a marriage thinking they’ll get divorced. Their love is the type that’ll last forever—until it doesn’t. If this woman in her 50s is divorced, she knows that Prince Charming isn’t necessarily going to knock on her door and save her from life’s biggest responsibilities. She believes in forming true connections with people, but isn’t necessarily in a rush to replace her husband. In fact, it’s possible she’s not even into the idea of marriage anymore. Some people get married since it’s what they’re expected to do—maybe she figured out that’s not for her and is looking to play the field.

They know what’s actually important on a daily basis.
As women get older, they realize time is limited. So, they focus on the details that matter. A woman in her 20s might be absolutely embarrassed to leave the house without makeup. A woman in her 50s, however, has less to prove. She’s over putting all of her focus on appearance and would rather be on time for her doctor’s appointment than waste minutes looking for spare mascara. She doesn’t feel as if the world’s judging her if she accidentally forgot to swap our her flats for heels, and isn’t afraid to value comfort over high fashion.

Their idea of close family often includes friends, neighbors, and pets.
If they haven’t built a family of their own that includes a husband and kids, they’ve built a solid network of friends, supporters, animals, and neighbors. Plus, just because a woman is childless herself doesn’t mean she doesn’t consider her sister’s teens like her own. Her idea of family is a little less traditional, but that means she gets invited to no less than three Thanksgiving dinners every year. And she probably tries to attend all of them—or at least FaceTime every group to wish them a happy holiday.

They’ve seen every trick in the book.
Really—if you hang out with a single woman in her 50s and you’re not your genuine self, she’ll be able to figure that out within seconds. Women in general have a wonderful intuition, and if a woman in her 50s has been single for long enough, she’s pretty much seen all types of men and women cross her path. Just be yourself, and it’ll go a long way. Even better, if your history isn’t one you’re not happy with (say, two failed marriages) she’ll be more receptive and understanding if you’re open about it.

They understand how to balance everything in life.
There’s a reason why you don’t often see 50-year-old women hanging out in their parent’s basement. Like the rest of us, they’ve grown up and learned how to support themselves. Whether or not they’re single by choice, widowed, or divorced, they take care of the bills by themselves. And that means they’ve got the drive to get promoted to that better title, and aren’t afraid to put the extra time in over the weekend to finish that big report. Single women over 50 find a way to balance all of life’s responsibilities, and they still have time left over to pursue their own hobbies.

They might be a little stubborn.
Wouldn’t you be? When you depend on yourself, you have certain ways you like to do things. A woman in her 50s will probably be open to fun dating activities and unique ways to connect, but they might not like your brand new way of cooking ham on Christmas, or other methods of cleaning, organization, and general living. It’s a comfort issue. Humans like to have rituals, and those become a lot harder to change as we get older.

They’re more attracted to your heart than your looks.
As we all age, things… happen. It doesn’t mean that humans stop being attractive as the years go by, but bodies naturally change with time. You can’t expect to look 20 when you’re 50. A single woman in her 50s and beyond is well aware of this, and doesn’t expect you to have rock hard abs either. The things they’re attracted to are the kind things you’ve done, and the amazing skills you possess. Pretty much, they’re into what you’re actually like, and not the fact that you have a gym membership.

There’s a ton of benefits to being with a single woman in her 50s. If you’re asked out by a woman who’s older, or perhaps want to spark up a friendship with an older woman who lives alone, just know that these days, 50 isn’t old. She’s at an age where she’s lived a pretty rewarding life so far, but she’s still eager to see what’s ahead.

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